On May 29th, my husband and I spoke about our relationship again and through the goodness of my heart I decided to give him another chance. It was a moment of weakness really because as soon as I said it, I almost regretted it. But I decided to give it a chance.
The next few days for me were not good. The thought of having to stay with my husband until he tried to figure things out was not working out for me. I was at the end of my rope. I had no more energy left to add to this relationship. I was all tapped out. So I did what was very hard for me. I told him that I could not go ahead with giving him a second chance. I was crying. I felt bad but at the same time, I felt like I had to do this. Separating really sucks on all levels. The hurt you cause someone else, the instability you create in each others lives, the unknown to come. It all sucks!
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
Saturday, 28 May 2011
The day after
My husband today asked me if I could give him 6 weeks to shape up. That means that he would take this time to get back into shape and hopefully boost his libido. I did not like that. The thought of staying stagnant for another 6 weeks made me feel like I had another weight put on my shoulders. I asked him if we could do this 6 week trial in separate houses. He said no. So I told him that I had to think about it.
Later that afternoon, I went to see a movie with my husband and child. We are still friends and I want my child to still feel like there is a sense of family when it comes to us. I don’t want him to feel like it’s either his mom or dad but rather both of us.
I did not give my husband an answer yet. I just can’t come up with one. My head is saying that I should give him another 6 weeks. Why give up now kinda thing but my heart is saying that I am done. I will sleep on it for one more night.
Later that afternoon, I went to see a movie with my husband and child. We are still friends and I want my child to still feel like there is a sense of family when it comes to us. I don’t want him to feel like it’s either his mom or dad but rather both of us.
I did not give my husband an answer yet. I just can’t come up with one. My head is saying that I should give him another 6 weeks. Why give up now kinda thing but my heart is saying that I am done. I will sleep on it for one more night.
Friday, 27 May 2011
The end
I have been married for 18 years and I have asked my husband for a separation. It’s something I have been thinking of for a long time but many factors made me think that it was not the right time or the right thing to do.
My husband is a great person and I think that is the problem. I never complain about my husband because there is not much to complain about. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not perfect but when I compare him to other husbands…he’s almost a saint!
So why ask for a separation? Well, you see our sex life has been going down hill for a while now. Like the last 10 years I would say. Steadily going down. It has come to a point where I need more intimacy…or just plain intimacy. I’m only 42 years old and I am way too young to call it quits in the sex department of my life.
We have talked about our sex life, or lack thereof, and then we talked some more and then some more again. I am tired of talking about it. He says he has no libido. So I told him to get checked. He did and the doctor said his hormone levels are fine. He thinks that his problem is that he is out of shape. Ok ! I’ll get into shape he says. Does he? No. Well, I am tired of waiting and hoping that one day he will wake up and feel horny. So after 2 years of having sex about 6 times, I’m calling it quits.
So tonight I had every intention on telling my husband that it was over between us. And I did. I spoke with him and told him I wanted to separate. That I could not stay in this relationship as it is. We have spoken a lot in the past about our problems and nothing is changing. So this is me putting my foot down and wanting to move on without him. My husband needs to process information before making a decision. I was not expecting any fighting or any long drawn out conversation. He went upstairs and I stayed downstairs. He came down at one point and went for a drive to clear his mind. I have no idea what he was thinking. He doesn’t tell me. I usually have to draw the information out of him. When he came back, he decided to sleep on the couch for the night and did not want to talk.
It’s weird but I did not feel very much emotion and I questioned that. This decision felt good for me. It was something that I have been thinking for a long time and tonight I finally did it. Tonight was the night I changed the rest of my life. Not sure if it was going to be good or bad but one thing I know, I had to do it.
My husband is a great person and I think that is the problem. I never complain about my husband because there is not much to complain about. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not perfect but when I compare him to other husbands…he’s almost a saint!
So why ask for a separation? Well, you see our sex life has been going down hill for a while now. Like the last 10 years I would say. Steadily going down. It has come to a point where I need more intimacy…or just plain intimacy. I’m only 42 years old and I am way too young to call it quits in the sex department of my life.
We have talked about our sex life, or lack thereof, and then we talked some more and then some more again. I am tired of talking about it. He says he has no libido. So I told him to get checked. He did and the doctor said his hormone levels are fine. He thinks that his problem is that he is out of shape. Ok ! I’ll get into shape he says. Does he? No. Well, I am tired of waiting and hoping that one day he will wake up and feel horny. So after 2 years of having sex about 6 times, I’m calling it quits.
So tonight I had every intention on telling my husband that it was over between us. And I did. I spoke with him and told him I wanted to separate. That I could not stay in this relationship as it is. We have spoken a lot in the past about our problems and nothing is changing. So this is me putting my foot down and wanting to move on without him. My husband needs to process information before making a decision. I was not expecting any fighting or any long drawn out conversation. He went upstairs and I stayed downstairs. He came down at one point and went for a drive to clear his mind. I have no idea what he was thinking. He doesn’t tell me. I usually have to draw the information out of him. When he came back, he decided to sleep on the couch for the night and did not want to talk.
It’s weird but I did not feel very much emotion and I questioned that. This decision felt good for me. It was something that I have been thinking for a long time and tonight I finally did it. Tonight was the night I changed the rest of my life. Not sure if it was going to be good or bad but one thing I know, I had to do it.
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