Tonight my husband is officially gone. He is now living in his own apartment, away from me. I have mixed emotions about it. It feels good to be alone. And by alone, I mean no husband because I am not totally alone due to the fact that my son is with me tonight. But just alone with no one to answer to except for myself. No one to depend on, no one to worry about, just me. It also feels sad. Sad that our once great relationship has officially come to an end.
Tonight, my son was spending a couple of hours at my ex-huband’s place (oh! saying my ex-husband will take some time to get used to!) and I went over to get my son. I rang the doorbell, my ex answered, smiled and said come on in. For a brief moment there, it brought me back to when him and I first started dating and I would go meet up with him at his apartment. It kinda stopped me in my tracks for a moment as I remembered the feelings I had for him back then. It feels weird to go to his apartment because it’s not my home but at the same time it feels like home because all the things there are things him and I shared for so many years. I’m not sure how he feels. When I do ask him, he is always kinda vague in his answers.
I’m kind of in a constant state of sadness. Not total depression but just sad. The other day I actually laughed out loud at something (can’t remember what it was) and I actually thought to myself that I have not laughed like that in what seems to be a while. Even tonight at the grocery store, I gave a big smile to the guy that packs my groceries and said thank you and I also thought that it seems I haven’t smiled like that in a while. I’m a happy person but lately I am not as happy as I should be. I guess I am looking forward to getting my happy back soon!
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