This morning I still feel good about my thoughts from last night. But I do feel uneasy about something. Like an anxiety feeling. I’m not sure where this is coming from. From time to time I think I have these slight panic attacks. Out of nowhere, I get the feeling like I’m about to stop breathing. I really have to stop and focus on relaxing. I think it happened to me at Pilates yesterday. We were just doing some breathing and I was all sweaty and actually felt light headed. I had to stop. It lasted about 5 minutes or so and I was able to recompose myself. It just happens with no notice. I also need to focus on eating. I’ve been neglecting that. That may also be affecting my health.
My determination I had last night is not as strong today. I feel shaky. What was different from last night? Not sure. I do feel a bit more motivated but I have a sense of worry or panic or uncertainty. I actually had some music playing in the house today. It ashamed because last night everything seemed so clear to me. My confidence was back. I could see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. But today, that is slowly going away. I need to continue working in this direction.
As I write this blog entry in stages today, I can say that my day is getting progressively worst. My crying episodes have come back. I got an email from my sister-in-law showing her support and making sure I am still part of the family. That drew emotions out of me.
I went out to dinner with a friend and she was able to lift my spirits. I really need to get out of the house more because staying in just makes me think negative thoughts.
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